hello, my favorite followers.

Have you missed me? Because I've missed you.

I'm sorry about the extended break I've been taking, but the end of senior year is a bit tiring. (read: SUPER STRESSFUL.)

It's a good thing that musical I was in is over, and my online classes are finished. I just need to prepare for those AP tests, and then my life might slow down, at least for a brief time.

Let me just say:

I have several drafts saved in my "Edit Posts" tab, and each one starts with a small, random sentence, and then...nothing. I just haven't had anything to say to the world. Plenty of things have happened, but I just haven't really been sure how to approach them in a blogging sense. Because, after all, this is a slightly more public venue. (even though not everyone in the world reads the good ol' blog. Thank you, dear followers, for being those who do. It means a lot. Even though I'm slacking in my posts.)




Anyway.


I miss you.  

and this is how I feel sometimes.

Sometimes like today.

It rained; the sun hid its head, and foolishness got the better of me again, even though I specifically banished it from myself.

Summer rules, but I miss my social life already.

brief hiatus

With delicious springtime comes not so yummy schoolwork. AP testing is looming directly above my head, and I probably won't be back here for a few days. But, here are some tasty pictures for the time being. I took them myself. I like them. I like you. I like him. But I don't really like tests. There are better things. Like parasols.

frustration

it's that kind of thing where you know what makes sense in your head, and you know what's reasonable, sensible, and healthy, but you just don't even care.

it's that kind of thing when really, really stupid things make you happy. and even more stupid things make you sad.

it's that kind of thing that provides an oppurtunity to make a new friend, but the oppurtunity is often avoided.

It's
new.

It's not broken; just taking an extended leave of absence.

January

There's nothing worse than depressing snow, at least as far as weather is concerned. In early December, the first snow is a thing of celebration, jubilee, festivities! It means that Christmas is closing in. It's happy snow. Once Christmas is over, the snow stays fairly cheerful for about a week. Then, just after New Year's Day, it resorts to a sad, selfish, and unreliable mood. With no more holiday to look forward to, the snow quickly becomes an inconvenient hassle and a dirty, gray, wizened atmosphere settles over everything. It melts, refreezes into deadly ice, then melts, refreezes into even deadlier ice, and so on. Then, out of the CLEAR BLUE (or rather, sooty gray--I haven't seen clear blue skies in far too long) fresh, clean snow starts to blizzard around. Things begin to look a little bit nicer, the new snow disguising the blackened ice, but it doesn't hold the same excitement as it did before. It's merely an unexpected cover-up. Tomorrow afternoon, it'll get just warm enough to liquify some of this precipitation, and then tomorrow night, the biting cold will sweep through and turn everything to slick, hidden, cunning ice.

Boo on January. It's crampin' my style, Lyle.

Sometimes...

...you have to make a decision you never thought you would have to make. You feel completely at peace with that decision, and yet negative and sorrowful emotions still bubble inside of you, just beneath the surface, waiting to explode in an extremely female kind of way. That crippling sense of failure grips your senses and shakes them...well, senseles. You really wish you could explain away all of the stupid things you're feeling and make them go dig their own graves, never to return, but no. They stick to you like skin to mic tape, stick to your heart and nearly suffocate it. Everything squashes together in the immense pressure and stress of your suffocating organ.


You've been waiting and waiting, but the clouds remain in their chilly, grey state, not a hint of silver to be found. Their linings stay darkened, offering no answers to questions you seek answers to.

Silver linings come in retrospect, at the end of someone's story. My story is far from over.

Little creepy girl, how she loves to sing...

Ugh. Blog post. Here we go.

Julie and Julia=perfection. I couldn't have spent my money on anything more worthwhile. It was so good! And now I want to cook all of Julia Child's recipes. Minus calf's foot gelatin. Gross.

Shakespeare. Whew. That's about all I have to say on the matter.

School. Well, I go. Everyday. Yep, that's about it. No, I won't expound.

Homecoming. YES. I loved it. My date was awesome, and looked awesome in his black attire. We were classy and elegant funeral-goers.

Chamber. Yard sale Saturday! 8-12! Lone Peak! Yard sale Saturday! 8-12! Lone Peak! I can't think of anything else to say about choir. The yard sale has been taking all of my leftover energy from Shakespeare, Productions, Musical Theatre, and Drama Council. 3 teachers + 2 directors + 2 parents = a lot of sacrifice, most of which seems to cancel out. Because there's so much.

Room. I have no dresser. It's "being painted." Therefore, I have no place for my clothing. Therefore...it is in ugly baskets all over the floor. SACRIFICE, CARLIE. LONG TERM.

Despite my slight annoyance with the world at this moment in time, life is very happy. Despite the fact that I couldn't squeeze another thing into my schedule...life is good. Just extremely busy. Extremely...busy.

blah (noun):

1. nonsense; rubbish: What they say is blah.
2. the blahs, a feeling of physical uneasiness, general discomfort, or mild depression; malaise: After the long weekend many workers had the Monday-morning blahs.

–adjective 3. insipid; dull; uninteresting.


Pretty much sums up my day. It wasn't all bad. It certainly doesn't deserve an "ARRRRGGGGGH" or even a "GAAAAHHHH". Just, "blah". I'm not frustrated, I'm just bored-with/tired-of being frustrated. Hence my whiney post about my case of the blahs. I will say this, however. Singing/screaming Pat Benatar's "Love Is A Battlefield" at top volume in the car with a best friend at 11:00 PM really helps discourage the blahs. It doesn't destroy them completely, but certainly helps keep them at a managable quantity. But then I remember that I still haven't seen Harry Potter yet, and the blahs start to multiply. Blah.